Main Street Ultranight

by Rudy Charisma



I am pork chop, I am city boy. I go to parties, and I steal Q-Tips. I is White Castle, I am Myrna Loy. I go to your house, I spit on the stairs. I drink mace now, I didn't used to. I is changing, it's Main Street Ultranight!


released May 12, 2015

Recorded Oct-Dec 1995 in Saint Louis, Missouri by Rudy (except 11 recorded Sept 1995 in Columbiana, Ohio by Bohb, who played guitar too).

AdLiber played bass on 6 & 10 and sang on 6.

Track 4 © The Stooges 1969, track 14 © Huey Lewis 1979.

15 written at the request of Josh Andra.

Dedicated to Medicine, Bucket, Drive, and Fetish (not Baltimore). Meow.

Botulism Music release 028



all rights reserved


Rudy Charisma St. Louis, Missouri

Rudy Charisma recorded 250 songs from 1995 to 1997, after which he abruptly retired from the entertainment industry. He'd started playing with Morgan the Lotus in Athens, Ohio. They recorded as The Belts, then morphed into Rare White Squirrel. After moving to Saint Louis, Missouri he went solo, but by 1997 his output had dwindled to nothing. He has recorded just a handful of songs since then. ... more

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Track Name: main street ultranight.
i am pork chop
i am city boy
i go to parties
and i steal q-tips
i am white castle
i am myrna loy
i go to your house
i spit on the stairs
i drink mace now
i didn't used to
i is changing
it's main street ultranight
i is muscular
i tend to fall down
i am not in love
and I am 8x1
i bake a chocolate cake
i take bubble bath
i spill the chemicals
i dream buttworld
i stay inside more
i always have been
i is changing
it's main street ultranight!
Track Name: repetitive cowboy lament disorder (darlin').
there's a special kind of flavor 'bout your hair
because it's dirty
it doesn't taste like shampoo

and there's a special kind of flavor 'bout your ear
cuz we went swimming
and it's still dripping

and i know that you
got nothin' better to do
but you won't bathe with me
and i won't bathe alone

cuz what's the fun
of gettin' dirty in the sun
if you must get clean as one, all alone

so darlin', darlin', darlin' roll with me
let's get all muddy
under the moon

then let's take a bath at home
play with the bubbles and foam
and dry off in the living room, oh yeah

you are my special dirty friend
don't ever want this shower to end
oh darlin' darlin' darlin' darlin' darlin' darlin' etc...
Track Name: rudy's first fight, rudy's first kiss.
rudy was a shy kid
rudy was a madman
rudy never kissed a girl
rudy didn't give a damn
(ooh, rudy)

rudy was a loner
rudy liked it that way
rudy knew the kids at school
were gonna die someday
(kill them)

everybody fucked with rudy
nobody liked him
'cept the girl with brown hair
went by the name of tim
(she's pretty)

well, she stopped him in the hallway
up on the 3rd floor
she pulled him in the home-ec room
gave a wink and locked the door
(she likes you)

well, she punched him in the face hard
when rudy tried to exit
rudy ran to the window
but she wouldn't let him
(get out)

he began to panic
he grabbed a handful of beans
he threw them at tim
then he fell to his knees
(don't hurt me)

tim kicked him in the belly
rudy knew he had to fight
he grabbed a floor mop
and smashed tim with all his might
(rudy won)

tim started crying
rudy sorta felt bad
he gave her a hug
then they kinda made out
(rudy's first fight, rudy's first kiss)
Track Name: i wanna be yer dog / audio-erotic asphyxiation.
so messed up, i want you here
in my room, i want you here
now we're gonna be face to face
and i'll lay right down in my favorite place
now i wanna be yer dog
now i wanna be yer dog
now i wanna be yer dog
come on
and now i'm ready to close my eyes
and now i'm ready to close my mind
and now i'm ready to feel yer hand
and lose my heart on the burnin' sand
now i wanna be yer dog
now i wanna be yer dog
now i wanna be yer dog
come on
Track Name: beef stroganoff, beef jerkynoff.
beef stroganoff
beef stroganoff
beef stroganoff
beef jerkynoff
Track Name: sol-yah!
i got a ride
to the bus stop
bought a mickey
on my way back
man tells me
there's no way that
i can get to omaha
to find that girl
who broke my heart

it leaves at noon
for 40 bucks
but all i got is 4 dimes
and a nickel bag
a dirty rag
a stick of gum
i'm stuck
in the long run

like lodi on a winter day
but I won't stay
cuz love is callin'
and i'm comin'

(the grid is broken
the tea is smokin'
there is a good time for me
my wire is hanging
from a dusty ceiling
i take no cars
that gots no tires)

got a dodge dart
that's made of rocks
a trolley car
that won't go far
my grampa's coughin'
dirt and spit
like blood and oil
on goodyear slicks
hit the road, pal
from the counter to my face

(the time is leaving
that's right
the fire is breathing
too bright
you should just
steal this from that
yer feet is pretty
yer butt is shiny
now i should
wipe up my spit)

beat those shoes
all the way home
dry those eyes
quit yer cryin'
road is callin'
just forget it
cuz yer stuck here
cuz i said it
got my blazer
and my black shoes
they're shiny
and i don't mind it
the flare is blinding

seven trees
a silly boy
forget the leaves
a silly boy
i like the branches
you just wait
until the chairs don't let you sit
until the welts punch you back
a silly boy
a silly boy)

i got a ride
to the bus stop
bought a mickey
on my way back
man tells me
there's no way that
i can get to omaha
to find that girl
who broke my heart

oh boy
Track Name: it's good to be dead.
it's good to be dead
the food is good
the sex is great
it's good to be dead
no one bothers you
when you sleep late

it's good to be dead
no speeding tickets
on the highway
it's good to be dead
no hangovers
the next day

it's good to be dead...

it's good to be dead
there's no need to find
a parking space
it's good to be dead
you can spy on the girl
with the pretty face
Track Name: m is fer muscle.
m is
m is fer muscle
m is
m is fer me
i wish
m was fer mary
oh, but it's green
and ivory
Track Name: interior of a shiny pant.
Track Name: tiny plastic toy boat.
there's a river
it's waiting for you
you're waiting
i'm waiting too

but at the bar
you don't have to wait
all my friends think
it's a little too late

the blues band
they went on at 8:00
and i'm still waiting
waiting for you

now it's later
the river calls my name
it's original
it's always the same

so i'm still waiting
but now i got my boat
i'm gonna float it
then let it go

you and the blues band
you don't even know
about my tiny plastic
tiny plastic toy boat
Track Name: then we could joust.
take the bus
i'm not laughing at you
we could meet in town
i'll drive
and we could go out for the day

get a cab
i'm not laughing at you
let's meet in the city
i'll drive
and we could stay out all night

my car is small
little sunshine
but since yer little
so are you
we could drive drive drive
till we're far away

from the city
from the town
out in the country
where time, rocks
and mud are free

last time
i was in the woods
i found a suit of armor
so i put it on
i think it'd be neat
if we found one for you

then we could joust
anywhere we wanted
and make out
when we're done
Track Name: the amy & ted experience.
i left the building
i was 35
it was midnight
just about
they said
hey, let's get some beer
i said
and we drove to a house
that i didn't know
it was up a hill
where the rich people go
i fell down
and i was 14

we sat in the living room
and talked about shit
then we watched a movie
about mobsters
and hit men
the night was turning out ok
then she asked me
to rub her feet
what could I say
across the room
was her fiance
i said no
i'm sorry
i don't remember why
but we had to leave
to go to their house
on another street
ted drove
amy sat on me
she whispered in my ear
you've made my life hell
and i thought to myself
you've made my life hell
then she said
she could
get some coke
i was young

we got to their place
she started throwing darts
they stuck in the leg
of her boyfriend
he looked up
and smiled
and pulled them out
the cat was alive
and having a ball
right when ted started to fall
he fell down
and scared the cat
we put him in a chair
he was passed out
and amy started with those eyes again
i looked away
i was 85

we had been talking
in code all night
and i looked through her hair
and i saw the morning light
it was too bright
it was tomorrow
ted woke up
and went to his bed
amy said
she'd go too
that's what she said
i fell down
i was 109

now it's tuesday morning
and i'm really stoned
still drunk from last night
and a long way from home
so i went to the bathroom
and i stole some pills
and on my way out
what i saw gave me chills
there was amy
tucking ted in
and all she had on
was a pair of leopard skins
from k-mart
she fell down
into ted's bed
i was old
i was old

i went to the porch
to look at the morning
i couldn't see the town
i rolled down the hill
and ran down the street
many blocks later
i got to my house
i jacked off
and fell asleep
Track Name: broken mcfergus.
i know it's not the way to live
when we still got day to go back to
sometimes i don't know what to do
said broken mcfergus

broken mcfergus
he died just the other day
i saw him last week
he said he was on his way
to give all he had
to the clerk at the corner store
i never believed
he could keep going back for more
Track Name: bad is bad.
went uptown to see my cousin
play guitar, sounds like a chainsaw buzzin'
in the crowd i see his mom and dad
i say hey, hey uncle, man your son is bad
but sometimes, sometimes bad is bad
cool is a rule but sometimes bad is bad

across the street, a neon sign
all you can eat for a dollar ninety-nine
our soul stew's the baddest in the land
but one dollar's worth was all that i could stand
but sometimes, sometimes bad is bad
cool is a rule but sometimes bad is bad

back uptown to see marie
nobody home i opened the door with my key
i love you huey was the note that I read
but there's a strange pair of shoes underneath the bed
but sometimes, sometimes bad is bad
cool is a rule but sometimes bad is bad
Track Name: lift up yer shirt and charm me.
elephant scream synthesizer
just like lewis & clark!
total macaroni architecture
it's the beady ranch!
molotov tastee freez, magic knees
don't you be shy now!
wet copperhead in two rows
there’s that sun again!

and she said
lift up yer shirt and charm me
lift up yer shirt and charm me

take a full flavor to a wreck
speedo mountain waits for you!
crunchy, crunchy friends and some salt
model water bunch!
celebration station made losey
made bank without roof!
happy cakes of sausage told me
spit weaver

say hello to my pencil
twist like boat that float!
approved proctologics, yellow paper
it's 20 class a!
surgical carpentry trendsetter
one giraffe, see diagram!
it's a tiger, it's assault
it's love!

cuz she said
lift up yer shirt and charm me
lift up yer shirt and charm me
Track Name: mushroom the ritz.
hey hey
where you goin'
i don't know what i'm doin'
i guess i'm off to get loaded
and mushroom the ritz

what a fancy, fancy dinner
what a busful of winners
and these bottles of scotch are so small
i guess we'll mushroom the ritz

i gave me a little haircut
got so dressed up i forgot
to act polite at the end of the night
and say look out, look out, look out

so i guess that i'll just watch you
don't know where i got you
but that noise is neat
watch the dancing meat
while we mushroom the ritz

you want to get all busy
but i'm too fuckin' dizzy
from the black label beer
and the spit in my ear
and the mushroom the ritz

now it's snowing on the lake
and it's cold outside
like a murderer's wake
and there's a flash in the bed
and a song in my head
mushroom the ritz

all these bizarre, inguinal people
those preachers in the steeples
of sports therapy
and business degrees
and i don't think i get it

the guitar boy's only funny
when you spend the money
to fuck your head
drink 'til you're dead
and mushroom the ritz

la la la la la la...