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Main Street Ultranight

by Rudy Charisma

/
1.
i am pork chop i am city boy i go to parties and i steal q-tips i am white castle i am myrna loy i go to your house i spit on the stairs i drink mace now i didn't used to i is changing it's main street ultranight i is muscular i tend to fall down i am not in love and I am 8x1 i bake a chocolate cake i take bubble bath i spill the chemicals i dream buttworld i stay inside more i always have been i is changing it's main street ultranight!
2.
there's a special kind of flavor 'bout your hair because it's dirty it doesn't taste like shampoo and there's a special kind of flavor 'bout your ear cuz we went swimming and it's still dripping and i know that you got nothin' better to do but you won't bathe with me and i won't bathe alone cuz what's the fun of gettin' dirty in the sun if you must get clean as one, all alone so darlin', darlin', darlin' roll with me let's get all muddy under the moon then let's take a bath at home play with the bubbles and foam and dry off in the living room, oh yeah you are my special dirty friend don't ever want this shower to end oh darlin' darlin' darlin' darlin' darlin' darlin' etc...
3.
rudy was a shy kid rudy was a madman rudy never kissed a girl rudy didn't give a damn (ooh, rudy) rudy was a loner rudy liked it that way rudy knew the kids at school were gonna die someday (kill them) everybody fucked with rudy nobody liked him 'cept the girl with brown hair went by the name of tim (she's pretty) well, she stopped him in the hallway up on the 3rd floor she pulled him in the home-ec room gave a wink and locked the door (she likes you) well, she punched him in the face hard when rudy tried to exit rudy ran to the window but she wouldn't let him (get out) he began to panic he grabbed a handful of beans he threw them at tim then he fell to his knees (don't hurt me) tim kicked him in the belly rudy knew he had to fight he grabbed a floor mop and smashed tim with all his might (rudy won) tim started crying rudy sorta felt bad he gave her a hug then they kinda made out (rudy's first fight, rudy's first kiss)
4.
so messed up, i want you here in my room, i want you here now we're gonna be face to face and i'll lay right down in my favorite place now i wanna be yer dog now i wanna be yer dog now i wanna be yer dog come on and now i'm ready to close my eyes and now i'm ready to close my mind and now i'm ready to feel yer hand and lose my heart on the burnin' sand now i wanna be yer dog now i wanna be yer dog now i wanna be yer dog come on
5.
beef stroganoff beef stroganoff beef stroganoff beef jerkynoff
6.
sol-yah! 02:26
i got a ride to the bus stop bought a mickey on my way back man tells me there's no way that i can get to omaha to find that girl who broke my heart (sol-yah!) it leaves at noon for 40 bucks but all i got is 4 dimes and a nickel bag a dirty rag a stick of gum i'm stuck (sol-yah!) in the long run like lodi on a winter day but I won't stay cuz love is callin' (sol-yah!) and i'm comin' (the grid is broken the tea is smokin' there is a good time for me my wire is hanging from a dusty ceiling i take no cars that gots no tires) got a dodge dart that's made of rocks a trolley car that won't go far my grampa's coughin' dirt and spit like blood and oil on goodyear slicks (sol-yah!) hit the road, pal from the counter to my face (the time is leaving that's right the fire is breathing too bright you should just steal this from that yer feet is pretty yer butt is shiny now i should wipe up my spit) beat those shoes all the way home dry those eyes quit yer cryin' road is callin' just forget it cuz yer stuck here cuz i said it got my blazer and my black shoes they're shiny and i don't mind it the flare is blinding (sol-yah! seven trees a silly boy forget the leaves a silly boy i like the branches you just wait until the chairs don't let you sit until the welts punch you back a silly boy a silly boy) i got a ride to the bus stop bought a mickey on my way back man tells me there's no way that i can get to omaha to find that girl who broke my heart (sol-yah!) oh boy
7.
it's good to be dead the food is good the sex is great it's good to be dead no one bothers you when you sleep late it's good to be dead no speeding tickets on the highway it's good to be dead no hangovers the next day it's good to be dead... it's good to be dead there's no need to find a parking space it's good to be dead you can spy on the girl with the pretty face
8.
m is m is fer muscle m is m is fer me i wish m was fer mary oh, but it's green and ivory
9.
N/A
10.
there's a river it's waiting for you you're waiting i'm waiting too but at the bar you don't have to wait all my friends think it's a little too late the blues band they went on at 8:00 and i'm still waiting waiting for you now it's later the river calls my name it's original it's always the same so i'm still waiting but now i got my boat i'm gonna float it then let it go you and the blues band you don't even know about my tiny plastic tiny plastic toy boat
11.
take the bus i'm not laughing at you we could meet in town i'll drive and we could go out for the day get a cab i'm not laughing at you let's meet in the city i'll drive and we could stay out all night my car is small little sunshine but since yer little so are you we could drive drive drive till we're far away from the city from the town out in the country where time, rocks and mud are free last time i was in the woods i found a suit of armor so i put it on i think it'd be neat if we found one for you then we could joust anywhere we wanted and make out when we're done
12.
i left the building i was 35 it was midnight just about they said hey, let's get some beer i said okay and we drove to a house that i didn't know it was up a hill where the rich people go i fell down and i was 14 we sat in the living room and talked about shit then we watched a movie about mobsters and hit men the night was turning out ok then she asked me to rub her feet what could I say across the room was her fiance i said no i'm sorry i don't remember why but we had to leave to go to their house on another street ted drove amy sat on me she whispered in my ear you've made my life hell and i thought to myself you've made my life hell then she said she could get some coke i was young we got to their place she started throwing darts they stuck in the leg of her boyfriend he looked up and smiled and pulled them out the cat was alive and having a ball right when ted started to fall he fell down and scared the cat we put him in a chair he was passed out and amy started with those eyes again i looked away i was 85 we had been talking in code all night and i looked through her hair and i saw the morning light it was too bright it was tomorrow ted woke up and went to his bed amy said she'd go too that's what she said i fell down i was 109 now it's tuesday morning and i'm really stoned still drunk from last night and a long way from home so i went to the bathroom and i stole some pills and on my way out what i saw gave me chills there was amy tucking ted in and all she had on was a pair of leopard skins from k-mart she fell down into ted's bed i was old i was old i went to the porch to look at the morning i couldn't see the town i rolled down the hill and ran down the street many blocks later i got to my house i jacked off and fell asleep
13.
i know it's not the way to live when we still got day to go back to sometimes i don't know what to do said broken mcfergus broken mcfergus he died just the other day i saw him last week he said he was on his way to give all he had to the clerk at the corner store i never believed he could keep going back for more
14.
bad is bad. 03:42
went uptown to see my cousin play guitar, sounds like a chainsaw buzzin' in the crowd i see his mom and dad i say hey, hey uncle, man your son is bad but sometimes, sometimes bad is bad cool is a rule but sometimes bad is bad across the street, a neon sign all you can eat for a dollar ninety-nine our soul stew's the baddest in the land but one dollar's worth was all that i could stand but sometimes, sometimes bad is bad cool is a rule but sometimes bad is bad back uptown to see marie nobody home i opened the door with my key i love you huey was the note that I read but there's a strange pair of shoes underneath the bed but sometimes, sometimes bad is bad cool is a rule but sometimes bad is bad
15.
elephant scream synthesizer just like lewis & clark! total macaroni architecture it's the beady ranch! molotov tastee freez, magic knees don't you be shy now! wet copperhead in two rows there’s that sun again! and she said lift up yer shirt and charm me lift up yer shirt and charm me take a full flavor to a wreck speedo mountain waits for you! crunchy, crunchy friends and some salt model water bunch! celebration station made losey made bank without roof! happy cakes of sausage told me spit weaver say hello to my pencil twist like boat that float! approved proctologics, yellow paper it's 20 class a! surgical carpentry trendsetter one giraffe, see diagram! it's a tiger, it's assault it's love! cuz she said lift up yer shirt and charm me lift up yer shirt and charm me
16.
hey hey where you goin' i don't know what i'm doin' i guess i'm off to get loaded and mushroom the ritz what a fancy, fancy dinner what a busful of winners and these bottles of scotch are so small i guess we'll mushroom the ritz i gave me a little haircut got so dressed up i forgot to act polite at the end of the night and say look out, look out, look out so i guess that i'll just watch you don't know where i got you but that noise is neat watch the dancing meat while we mushroom the ritz you want to get all busy but i'm too fuckin' dizzy from the black label beer and the spit in my ear and the mushroom the ritz now it's snowing on the lake and it's cold outside like a murderer's wake and there's a flash in the bed and a song in my head mushroom the ritz all these bizarre, inguinal people those preachers in the steeples of sports therapy and business degrees and i don't think i get it the guitar boy's only funny when you spend the money to fuck your head drink 'til you're dead and mushroom the ritz la la la la la la...

about

I am pork chop, I am city boy. I go to parties, and I steal Q-Tips. I is White Castle, I am Myrna Loy. I go to your house, I spit on the stairs. I drink mace now, I didn't used to. I is changing, it's Main Street Ultranight!

credits

released May 12, 2015

Recorded Oct-Dec 1995 in Saint Louis, Missouri by Rudy (except 11 recorded Sept 1995 in Columbiana, Ohio by Bohb, who played guitar too).

AdLiber played bass on 6 & 10 and sang on 6.

Track 4 © The Stooges 1969, track 14 © Huey Lewis 1979.

15 written at the request of Josh Andra.

Dedicated to Medicine, Bucket, Drive, and Fetish (not Baltimore). Meow.

Botulism Music release 028

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Rudy Charisma St. Louis, Missouri

Rudy Charisma recorded 250 songs from 1995 to 1997, after which he abruptly retired from the entertainment industry. He'd started playing with Morgan the Lotus in Athens, Ohio. They recorded as The Belts, then morphed into Rare White Squirrel. After moving to Saint Louis, Missouri he went solo, but by 1997 his output had dwindled to nothing. He has recorded just a handful of songs since then. ... more

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